Essential adventure gear is the only reason I’m not a cautionary tale right now, like seriously, last weekend in the Adirondacks I yeeted myself off a wet slab and my harness took the brunt of it—still got the bruise shaped like New York state on my hip. Typing this from my buddy’s basement in Syracuse ‘cause my apartment’s being fumigated (long story involving a raccoon and a protein shake explosion). The coffee here tastes like burnt regrets but whatever, keeps me awake while I sort through the pile of essential adventure gear that’s currently taking over his ping-pong table. Smells like wet dog and victory, honestly.
Why Essential Adventure Gear Feels Like Betting Your Life on REI Receipts
I’ve wasted so much cash on “performance” layers that turned into tissue paper the second a branch looked at ‘em funny. But these? These are the essential adventure gear pieces I’d fight my own mother for—sorry mom, love you, but that puffy is mine.
- La Sportiva TC Pros: my feet look like they lost a fight with a cheese grater but these let me stick to dime edges like I’m part gecko. Size ‘em till you scream, that’s the move.
- Black Diamond ice screws: dropped one into a bottomless slot in the Catskills, heard it clink for like a full minute. The others? Still threading blue ice like it owes me money.
Essential Adventure Gear That Survived My Dumb Ideas in the Northeast
It’s 2am and I’m staring at this rope burn on my palm while some Netflix true crime doc drones in the background—reminds me of that time in the Gunks when a thunderstorm rolled in faster than my ex’s mood swings. My Patagonia Nano Puff was soaked but still kept my core from going full hypothermic popsicle. Anyway, here’s the rundown:
Essential Adventure Gear I’d Tattoo on My Body (But Probably Won’t)
- Petzl Nomics — chipped my front tooth swinging these into chandeliered ice, smiled bloody for the selfie anyway. Zero regrets.
- Arc’teryx Alpha SV — costs more than my rent but when golf ball hail’s trying to rearrange your face? You’ll propose to the hood cinch. Peep their stormworthy tech deets here if you’re into that.
- Random gas station rain poncho — $4.99 and it saved my pack from a biblical downpour in the Whites when my “waterproof” cover turned into a sad balloon.
Essential Adventure Gear Hacks I Learned While Crying in a Bivy
Left my first aid kit in the car once in the ‘Dacks—ended up using a maxi pad as a bandage after I julienned my shin on scree. Don’t @ me, it worked.
- Wrap duct tape around your lighter, not your Nalgene (learned that when mine exploded in my pack at 3am).
- Emergency shelter? Hefty bag + guilt. Slept in one under a spruce during a whiteout, woke up looking like a sad burrito.
Current hyperfixation: this dyneema cord I use as a belt ‘cause I stress-ate my way through a sleeve of Oreos on the drive to Smuggs. Essential adventure gear evolves, man.
When Essential Adventure Gear Ghosts You Mid-Pitch
My CAMP crampon straight-up snapped on a mixed route in Crawford Notch—limped down with a stick and a prayer, used a Voile strap like it was duct tape for my soul. Always pack a repair kit even if your pack’s already heavier than your emotional baggage.
Essential Adventure Gear Brands That Haven’t Betrayed Me Yet
- Rab bags that actually hit the temp rating (unlike that one time I woke up with ice in my nose).
- MSR PocketRocket that lights even when your fingers are frozen sausages.
Essential Adventure Gear I’m Hoarding Like Toilet Paper in 2020
Kitchen table’s a war zone—there’s essential adventure gear tangled with Wegman’s receipts and a petrified fig bar fused to my chalk bag. But come sunrise I’m heading to the Shawangunks because apparently I hate having eyebrows.
If you’re out there chasing the same dumb rush that makes you forget fantasy football drafts and fantasy football, grab these essentials. Just don’t drop your headlamp down a squeeze chimney and try to solo out by iPhone flash—been there, cursed that.
Swing by REI’s climbing section or your local gear shop, try crap on, and never trust a belayer who says “it’s totally runout, bro.” What’s the one piece of essential adventure gear you’d yeet a grizzly for? Spill it below—I’ll reply from whatever crag hasn’t eaten me alive this week.
(also i think i spelled “julienned” wrong earlier but who cares, my shin still looks like prosciutto)
